Defensive Driving

Let's take our Bibles and turn to Proverbs 17. We're gonna look at verse 12 this morning. We have been in a series in Proverbs called "Wisdom for the Road" since about the month of August. And after working our way through the introduction, which is chapters 1-9, we're now taking a look at some important themes in Proverbs and assembling lots of verses from those latter chapters of the book and hearing what God has to say on particular topics.

We're gonna do that again today. And we're gonna start with Proverbs chapter 17:12, as we think about discernment in relationships, discernment with people. And I'm gonna ask you now, if you're able to stand with me as we honor the reading of God's word. It may have been a minute since you've seen this one crocheted on a pillow, but it's highly recommended. 

"Let a man meet a she-bear robbed of her cubs rather than a fool in his folly." And all God's people said? Amen. You can be seated.

I was on the interstate the other day driving with my family when one of those big 18-wheelers came roaring down an exit ramp, and we had to move over real quick to make room for him. One of my kids said from the backseat, "Man, I don't like driving out here. All these big trucks get real close to you, and we're all going so fast and it's stressful."

And that's when I realized it was a teachable moment. I shifted into my Barney Fife voice, "Well, you see kids, when you learn to drive, you can't just rely on the fact that you're doing the right thing. You gotta think about what other people are doing too. And you keep those hands right there at ten and two. You keep those eyes locked right in front of you. That brother over there? He may be eating an Egg McMuffin. The sister over here? She's still putting on her eye shadow. This lady over here is playing candy crush. This guy is catching up on whatever series on Netflix he's binging. There's all kinds of things going on in these other vehicles. It's not enough that you know the right thing to do. It's not enough that you're remembering all the lessons that you were taught when you were learning how to drive. You've got to be aware of what all the other people are doing out on the road." What do we call that kind of driving? Defensive driving. It's called "defensive driving" because there are a lot of other people out there on the road too. And what they do affects you, doesn't it? Proverbs says a lot about that when it comes to relationships.

In Proverbs, we have this young person who we've met. They are now grown up and graduated from high school, and out on the road of life beginning to make those independent adult decisions. One of the first things this young person notices as he or she begins life out here on the road is that they're not alone. Instead, there are all kinds of other people out there too. They have all these lessons that mom and dad taught them. They have all these scriptures they have memorized from the Bible. They know the right thing to do, and they're trying carefully to do it, but they quickly realize they're not alone out here on the road. There are all kinds of other people on the road of life too, coming in and out of their path, and they've got to interact with them. Each of them has a unique role to play in our lives.

There are parents who we continue to relate to even when we're grown. At some point, the Lord may give you a spouse, and may send you children. We've all got neighbors. Proverbs also talks about friends and mentors, relationships with bosses, relationships with coworkers, your employees, people who work for you and answer to you. There are also going to be authority figures out there on the road. There are enemies, people who just don't like you, and they are not gonna change. And then there are these shady characters who are hard to pin down. You don't really know what their game is. You don't know if you can trust them or not, but they're out there too. All of these people are out there on the interstate of life and you've got to interact with them, you've got to relate to them. All of these people are going to affect your life one way or another, for good or for bad.

Wisdom is the skill of living. A big part of learning to live skillfully is knowing how to navigate this world of people. What you are going to find as you get on down the road of life is that people can be the very best part of your life. Can't people be wonderful? They can be your best friends. They can be those who comfort you, the people you turn to in times of adversity. They can be people who love you with the love of Jesus. People can make life worth living. But there are some people who are like a mother-bear robbed of her cubs, unleashed in your tent at five o'clock in the morning. They're the very worst part of your life. Proverbs says, if you're going to live skillfully, you've got to learn the difference. You've got to learn how to evaluate people. You've got to learn how to navigate people. You've got to learn how to practice what we might call defensive driving. And to me, that's one of the hugest themes in Proverbs is the skill of defensive driving, discernment when it comes to relationships with people.

I'm going to organize it under four headings this morning. The first thing that Proverbs teaches us is we've got to:

Y'all know I love the story of The Pilgrims Progress. It's the best selling book in history in the English language outside of the Bible. It's an allegory of the Christian life. It's the story of one man's journey through this world on his way home to heaven. But while this man, whose name is Christian, is out there on the road following the book, following the map, following the Bible, he runs into all these different characters. One of the most memorable parts of the book are the different characters who enter the story, who Christian talks to and walks with on the road. They're memorable because of their names. Their names tell them about who they are.

There's this one man named "Mr. Worldly Wiseman." He seems really smart. He's very experienced. He comes across as quite sophisticated, and he's full of advice for Christian about the best way for him to deal with his guilt and the best way for him to make his way through the world. But Mr. Worldly Wiseman steers him off the king's path and into danger. On the other hand, there's this man named "Evangelist," who always points him to Jesus and always brings him back to the road. He runs into different peers along the way too. There's one man named "Pliable" who is his companion for a little while on the path. Pliable is easily formed. He's easily molded by the people around him. You can talk him into stuff. You can talk him out of stuff. As soon as the going gets a little bit difficult, Pliable bails on Christian and he turns around and goes back home. But then he meets this other friend named Faithful. Faithful stays at Christian's side all the way through the persecution they experience at Vanity Fair. Faithful shows Christian how to be faithful to King Jesus, even to the point of death.

There are so many different characters that come in and out of his life, who shape his journey. Some shape it for good, some shape it for bad. I think John Bunyan was getting those ideas straight off the pages of Proverbs because Proverbs tells us exactly the same thing. As you travel the road of life, you will encounter all kinds of characters. How many of you have some characters in your life? I mean big time "capital C" characters?

There are all kinds of people at your school. Parents understand this. You realize just how simple your life was when it was you, your spouse, and your first child. Y'all are working on potty training, and 'yes sir' or 'no sir,' and 'eat your vegetables,' and all that kind of stuff. But at that point your lives are actually pretty simple. Then you send them off to school. And all these new characters come onto the stage. There's the class clown who your kid gets in trouble laughing and talking with. There's the bully who roughs him up and says mean stuff to him. There the buddy who invites him to his birthday party and they have fun playing on the playground. There's the kid whose parents let him watch Showtime and Cinemax and you have to deal with all that too. And then you bring on the parents of all these kids. And you realize, "man, my life just got a lot more complicated because I've introduced all these people." People make life a lot more interesting. People make life a lot more fun. But people also make life a lot more complicated. Amen?

The people that you will meet on the road of life will either help you or hinder you on your journey. The people that you meet at school, the people you meet in your workplace, the people you meet out in town in Savannah, even the people you meet at church, hopefully they'll mostly help you, but they too will impact you one way or another. Think about Proverbs 12:26, "One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." The people you meet could be a really helpful guide for you, or they could be someone who leads you off the path. They could be someone who benefits you and blesses you, or they could be someone who makes your life a lot harder and more frustrating. They could set your discipleship back a couple of years or they could accelerate your discipleship a couple of years. Wisdom calls us to learn the difference, to understand the impact that the people in our lives have on us.

For instance, that peer of yours at your lunch table or in the office break room, that person could be a friend who sticks closer than a brother, or that person could be a backstabber who's just using you for what you've got. They're gonna suck the life out of you. Would you agree? There's a big difference in those two things. That person who's applying for a job to work for you, they could either be the greatest blessing you've ever known, they could lower your blood pressure about 15 points, or they could be like Proverbs says, someone who's like "vinegar on your teeth" and "smoke in your eyes." Anybody ever had one of those? Don't point this morning.

What about this cute girl who's smiling at you from across the room? If you married her, she might be "like a crown of gold on your head," Proverbs says, or she could be "like rottenness in your bones." It would "be better to live on the corner of a housetop than to live under the same roof with that guy right there." Do y'all know what I'm talking about? Again, don't point any fingers, but the people in your life make a huge difference in your life. Proverbs is constantly telling us to navigate cautiously to exercise godly discernment in your relationships. It's something we need to practice. We need to teach our kids to practice it too.

Now, some of us might feel a little squeamish when we talk about this because it sounds an awful lot like "judging" and we have this vague awareness that we're not supposed to judge, right? Is judging good or bad? We mostly know that it's bad. In fact, most Americans, if they only know one Bible verse, it's Matthew 7:1, "Judge not, lest you be judged." We know that we're not supposed to do that. And the Bible does say a lot about that. But there is a big difference in Godly evaluation and Godly discernment of character and what the Bible calls judging. Judging comes from a self-righteous posture. It's rooted in a self-righteous attitude. I assume that I'm right and that other people are wrong. I enjoy looking for things in other people's lives that I can critique and that I can put down because it always makes me feel better about myself when I can tear someone else down. Judging involves writing people off. I'll look for things that are wrong with you. Then I put you in a box, and you're never gonna get out of that box. I'm gonna put myself in the place of God. And I'm gonna go ahead and cast judgment on you. I'm gonna go ahead and condemn you. "You're done, you're through, you'll never change." That's judging. And God forbids that. God forbids for us to look on people like that because we're exalting ourselves to God's place. Only God has the ability, and the power, and the wisdom to judge like that.

Godly evaluation is very different. Discernment is very different from that. Discernment comes from a humble attitude that wants to live under the authority of God's word and apply God's Word to every part of our lives, including our relationships. Godly discernment wants to carefully apply God's standard and truth first to ourselves and then to the people around us. We don't think there's anyone who God can't change. God can change anybody. He changed us as a matter of fact! We hope that he will change the people around us for the better and use them for his glory. That's the kind of attitude that we have. But we have to assess current character, we have to assess current behavior. I'm not saying this person is locked in to being a low down scoundrel forever. But for right now, I'm not gonna ask him to manage my mutual fund, right? For right now, I'm not gonna give him the keys to my house. Maybe the Lord's gonna make him my best friend one day and gloriously save him. But for right now, if I'm gonna live in wisdom, I've got to evaluate what I'm seeing at the moment. That's Godly evaluation. It's very different from judging. If God forbids judging, he commands evaluation and discernment. In fact, Proverbs says if you don't practice this kind of discernment, you're the fool, because you're inviting all kinds of trouble and chaos into your life.

Jesus told his disciples to do this in Matthew 10. When he sent them out on their first mission trip, he said, "Behold, I'm sending you out as a sheep among wolves." There's some bad people out there. I want you to be as wise as a what? Do you know this verse? It's really important. I think it's neglected among Christians. You need to be "wise as a serpent, but innocent as a dove." You need to be wise as a serpent. You need to understand people, and the way that they work, and what they're capable of, and what they might be trying to get out of you. You need to have some sense, some hardheadedness about you. Be wise. Be shrewd. Be discerning. But don't let that make you cynical and hard and hateful. That's why you say "innocent as a dove." You understand what I mean? This is how Jesus sends his people out. The problem though is unlike Pilgrims Progress, people's names don't tip us off to who they are. If only people said, "Hey, I'm Mr. Liar," or "Hi, I'm a toxic manipulator. Nice to meet you," that would really clear a lot of things up, wouldn't it? But it's not that clear cut for us.

We have to move to the second theme in Proverbs.

Do y'all remember that story in the Bible In 1 Samuel 16 where God sends the prophet Samuel to identify the next king of Israel who he's chosen? God sends Samuel to the town of Bethlehem and to the house of Jesse. Jesse brings out his firstborn son Eliab, and apparently Eliab was really something to see. He was tall, broad-shouldered, chiseled jaw, winning smile, big, deep, booming voice. He was probably a lot like someone that this description is reminding you of right now. He's a really good looking guy. Because as soon as Samuel sees him, he says, "That's it! That's him. Behold, the Lord's anointed is standing before me. This has got to be the next king." Do you remember what God said to Samuel? God said this in 1 Samuel 16, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." That's first Samuel 16:6-7.

There's so many important principles embedded in that story. For one, it tells us that we don't always evaluate people correctly. We often wrongly characterize people and wrongly evaluate them. That's because we tend to be pretty superficial. We tend to judge people according to what we can see, appearances we're drawn to, what is impressive, and what's flashy in the first five seconds. But would you agree that that impressive appearance does not always reflect an impressive interior, a trustworthy character, a depth of soul? And because we are so drawn to the appearance and don't spend time thinking about the inside of the character, we can easily be led astray when it comes to people. That's just one of the practical lessons from that story.

That's how it worked out in 1 Samuel. The people of Israel chose someone who looked the part. They chose Saul as their king. He looked like a movie star, but he was a nightmare. No one was thinking about little David, the teenager taking care of the sheep out in the field, but God had looked on his heart and God chose him. In this story, we're reminded how easily led astray we are by appearances and how important it is to focus instead on character.

Proverbs applies this principle over and over again in chapters 10-31. It reminds us we've got to evaluate correctly, not by the superficial standards of the world. What do I mean by superficial standards?

We tend to evaluate people by how they look, pretty people, handsome people, muscular people, skinny people, whoever fits our standard of appearance, or beauty, or attractiveness, or whatever. But have you ever known a good looking woman who was straight poison? Do those exist? Don't point any fingers. They do exist. Proverbs 11:22, "Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion." All the value that that beauty brings is completely canceled out by this lack of wisdom and submission to God.

We're also drawn to charm, to a big personality, to someone who's good with people, who's always got a funny story to tell, who can be the life of the party. We're drawn to those people. But Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Can you be beautiful and charming and not fear the Lord? Yes, you can. It would be better to have a little bit less charm and a little bit less of what the world calls beauty, but to fear the Lord. That's the person who is to be praised.

We read in Proverbs that money naturally attracts friends. Proverbs 19:4, "Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend." Don't even act like that's not a thing. It is. Some people are really good talkers. And because they say the right things, and they say them in just the right way, we're drawn to them, we believe them, we put our trust in them. But the same smooth talkers can't be relied upon when the chips are down. So Proverbs 20:6 says, "Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?" "I'll be there for you." Many a man says that, but a faithful man who can find? Those who will actually be there for you, who will make sacrifices, who will put you before them. There really aren't that many of them around despite all the people who talk such a good game.

Have any of you ever been burned by this? By misjudging someone because of superficial appearances? I've misjudged people. I've misevaluated someone because I was looking at something external. We've all done it. We've all got stories to tell about this. The question then is how do we evaluate people? We evaluate them by observing their behavior. Proverbs 20:11. I know I'm throwing out a bunch of proverbs. This one is real important. "Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright." How do you make yourself known by your acts? Even a child lets you know who they are by what they do over and over again. If a kid tells a lie every other sentence, guess what? That's a lying kid. If a kid is out back, burning up kittens with a magnifying glass under the sun, I mean, you may not want to hire him to rake your leaves. You know what I mean? That's not being judgy, that's just keeping your house from being burned down. Even a child makes himself known by his acts and grown folks do too.

Our consistent behavior and consistent speech are what reveal the character. That's what reveals the heart. That's what shows you who someone is. Instead of being taken in by man, "what a good looking person that is, what a nice home they live in, what a good looking car they drive, what a great wardrobe they have." Instead of being taken in by that, you need to ask yourself the question, "How does this person speak?" When they talk, are they humble or are they boastful? Do they tell the truth or are they deceitful? How does this person who I may be naturally drawn to for worldly reasons actually treat people? Are they respectful to their parents and to the people over them or are they not? Are they kind to people who are on the outside of things or are they hateful? Do they encourage others or do they tear them down? That's what shows you who they really are.

How does this person act when their guard is down? Everybody can act right when the teacher's watching them, when the coach is in the room, when mom and dad are standing right there. Anybody acts right then. But how do they act when they think nobody's watching, when their guard is down? How do they act when things don't go their way? That's what's gonna reveal who someone really is. We've got to learn to evaluate correctly. We're thinking about people with whom we're establishing a trust, a bond, a close friend, a spouse, someone we rely on at work or in the church, you've got to evaluate correctly in those situations.

You heard it here. Pastor Eric is promoting discrimination. I thought discrimination was bad? Well, not always. Discrimination just means to recognize a distinction between two things. Discrimination is bad when you wrongly discriminate against someone because of the color of their skin or because this guy wears Vineyard Vines and this guy doesn't. That's wrong discrimination. That's hateful. It's shallow. It's stupid. But to discriminate just means you can tell the difference between two things and you act accordingly.

If we did the blindfold soft drink taste test, and you could tell the difference between Coke Zero, and Diet Coke, and regular Coke, and caffeine-free Coke, you would have a very discriminating palate. You can tell distinctions between different things. Proverbs tells us on every page to be discriminating with people's character, and to act accordingly towards them.

Now, there are some ways in which we're called to treat all people the same, right? All human beings are created in the image of God, Christian, non-christian, good old boy, evil person, all people are created in the image of God. That means we owe it to love them, to show them respect, and to treat them with dignity. That goes for everybody you meet. But does that mean that everybody you meet is a candidate to be your business partner? Is everyone you meet a candidate to be your best friend and confidant? Is everyone you meet a candidate to be your spouse? Is everyone you meet a candidate to be your babysitter for your precious little baby? I think not.

If you establish the same level of trust with every person you meet, Proverbs calls you a fool. It calls you naive. That's not a Godly attribute. That's not a godly characteristic. We've got to practice some discrimination based on character like we've been talking about. If I need to unburden my heart, I'm gonna unburden my heart about my child to someone who is mature and Godly and trustworthy, not to the local gossip, right? If someone tells me a story and they're known to lie about what time it is just because they can, I'm probably not going to believe them right away. But, if it's my honest neighbor who's never led me astray, I'm gonna give that story a lot of weight. If I've got a really important task that has to get done at church or on the job, I'm not gonna give it to the sluggard. He may be sweet as he can be. He may be my kin folks, but I'm not gonna trust the sluggard with the important job. I'm gonna give it to the earnest, conscientious employee, the person who always sees the test through to the end, right? This is common sense. This is wisdom in God's world.

Proverbs says, if you don't practice this kind of godly discrimination, character discrimination, you're gonna be the one that suffers for it. And what you'll find as you read through Proverbs, there are people who I should kindly hold at a distance, not be hateful to them, not say mean things about them, not talk about them behind their back, but very kindly hold them at a distance. Proverbs 14:7 says, "leave the presence of a fool." Proverbs 22:24, "Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man." That's pretty clear cut.

Stirrers. I'm not talking about that little coffee straw out there on the coffee bar. I'm talking about somebody who's always stirring mess up. Everybody was at peace until so and so walked in and now it is drama, drama, drama. Proverbs says stay away from stirrers. You could be nice to him. You can smile at him. You can send him a Christmas card. But, you don't want that to be your bestie.

Slanderers are the same. Proverbs 16:28, "A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends." Proverbs 20:19, Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler." Now you don't have to tell him that's what you're doing."You know, you're a babbler, so I'm actually gonna sit at that lunch table today." You don't have to say that, but you need to quietly take note. As soon as someone is around the corner, this person is telling you some terrible tale about them. If they're saying that about this girl, what are they saying about me, as soon as I leave the room? It's just Godly discernment. It's not that you hate these people. You can love them. You should love them. You can pray for them. You can minister to them if called upon. You can invite them to church. You can share the gospel with them, but don't befriend them, don't trust them, don't spend extended time with them. Don't allow them to influence your life and your family.

If you say, "Man, this sounds pretty harsh, Eric. Well, the Bible says, "He who walks with the wise becomes wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm," Proverbs 13:20. So you just try it out. Let me know how it works out. If you invite and welcome into your life the kinds of people that the Bible is warning you about in every other paragraph in Proverbs, you're going to suffer for it. It's just a matter of time. We want to discriminate carefully. That means there are some people we need to kindly hold at a distance. 

Then there are some people we need to run after as hard as we can. And if they will put up with our crazy tail, we need to stick close to them because they may not be super impressive in the world's eyes, but man, if they love God, if they trust his word and seek to obey it, if they're humble, if they're loyal, if they will tell you the truth and not just flatter you and tell you what you want to hear, to keep things smooth, if they are people who are seeking to sincerely follow Jesus, it doesn't matter how much money they make, it doesn't matter what they look like, what address they're at, it doesn't matter what their personality is like, those are people you want in your life. Those are people you want to imitate. Those are people you want to unburden your heart to and get Godly counsel from. Those are people you want to associate with, to turn to in times of adversity.

Do you have people like that in your life? Because sometimes you're gonna get in those tight spots and look around and see, I've just surrounded myself with fools all my life. I don't have anybody to turn to who's got anything of godly substance to bring. We've spent a lot of time on this. People can be the worst part of your life. They can be like that. A she-bear in the tent. But I'm telling you, people can be the best part of your life. And by God's grace, we want Sharon Baptist Church to be that kind of place where you can make a lot of Godly friends, mature friends, wise friends. Let's all work on that, which leads us to the conclusion.

We've spent a long time talking about defensive driving and we need to do that. Keep your head on a swivel. Pay attention to what other people are doing. Be aware that what they decide can affect you. But at the same time, you could be the one eating the Egg McMuffin. You could be the one streaming the ball game when you're driving down the road. You could be the one that's causing problems and drama out on the interstate by what you're saying, and how you're behaving, and that's why we would be remiss to not end with Proverbs 16:2, "All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit."

We all tend to think that we're doing the right thing. We're just kind of these sweet innocent people living our lives with the best intentions. It's all these other people we have to watch out for. Proverbs talks a lot about watching out for other people. But Proverbs says you also better watch out for yourself, because while you're evaluating all these other people as you should, with the right spirit, they should also be evaluating you. So what's their evaluation?

What opinion would a wise, Godly, mature person who observes you for a long period of time form about you? Would they see you as someone who they could imitate and grow in godliness? Would they see you as someone who can be a faithful guide for their lives? Would they see you as someone who's going to help them glorify God more by the way you treat people and talk to others? Or would they see something else? Would they see you as that she-bear robbed of her cubs unleashed in the Coleman tent at 5 a.m? These are hard things to think about, but that's where we gotta start.

We need to evaluate ourselves and say, "Lord, yes, I want you to bring the right people into my life, but God, make me the right kind of person that you can send out into their lives. Proverbs 22:1, "A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold." If you had a huge pile of gold or silver right here and you had a good name right there, Proverbs says run to that good name every time. It would be wise for us to meditate candidly, honestly, and openly before the Lord. What is my name right now in the people who I eat lunch with in the cafeteria every day, among my employees, with my boss, with the people who depend on me at church, with my family? What's my name among all those people?

And if you don't like the answer that you get? Well, I've got good news for you. We serve a savior who specializes in people with horrible names who come to him, come to the cross, and get a fresh start. I'll go ahead and warn you. It's gonna take a while to rebuild a reputation, and to rebuild a name that people can trust. But Jesus will be with you, and he will rebuild your name if you'll put your hand in his hand. Let's pray.

Sermon by Eric Smith
Senior Pastor, Sharon Baptist Church